Valsalva Manoeuvre

So, yes, I have Eustachian Tube Dysfunction in my right ear.  The GP’s contention a week ago that he couldn’t see my eardrum under examination was backed up by the ear clinic technician’s discovery that, in the middle of an ear shape she described as “interesting”, my eardrum was retracted like a frightened burrowing beast.  This makes it difficult to hear and leaves me with the sensation of my eardrum being drawn back into the rest of my face as if by a magnet.  Freudians or linguistic determinists (you know, the kind who believe repression causes cancer) might ask what it is I don’t want to hear.  If it doesn’t come right, there may be surgery to which to look forward.

This ailment is likely a function of my chronic hayfever and the bumpy flight into Wellington last month on which I was too nauseated to consume the generic ear-poppin’ lollies that were circulated.  I have therefore an eight-week regime of home and medical remedies to try and lure my ear drum back out of its burrow into the light of my middle ear.  These remedies include nose-blowin’, ear-poppin’ (called valsalva, which I didn’t know), head-steamin’, nasal-sprayin’, gum-chewin’ and side-sleepin’.  I am uncomfortably reminded not only of my years of hayfever misery prior to nose and sinus surgery, but also of a child with lots of middle ear problems and several surgeries.  It’s not a huge deal but I’m a little sorry for myself.  If only my bottle of Vicks Vapor came with a complementary ear trumpet.

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